Muddle-headed Kay (mhw) wrote,
Muddle-headed Kay

This journal has been placed in memorial status. New entries cannot be posted to it.

  • Mood:

Grrr argh, redux.

Performance anxiety, that's what it is. Sweaty palms, not breathing properly, lurching in the guts every time I think about... it.

The worst thing is knowing how ludicrous it is. People like my writing, they like writing with me, I do well. That, somehow, makes it all the harder. I feel like I'm not just letting myself down - hell, I'm used to doing that, I'm my own most savage critic - but letting them down too. Which, of course, I also do by not writing. There's a pretty dilemma.

Logic dictates one solution, which is that of trading a certainty against a possibility. If I don't write, I certainly fail; if I do write, then I only risk failure. Then again, logic's been described as the art of going wrong with confidence.

what I really am missing - which is strange, because it's something I've had so rarely - is someone here with whom to write, someone to whom writing is also important. No matter how close all of you are, it's just not the same...

(intermission for phone call from griffen and worldmage - I swear Griffee's reading my head while I'm typing :>)

But yes: write, even when it feels there's not a word left. Write, because there's only one thing worse than writing badly, and that's to not be writing at all.

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