Muddle-headed Kay (mhw) wrote,
Muddle-headed Kay

This journal has been placed in memorial status. New entries cannot be posted to it.

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Emotions - all over the place

Something's going on in my head. It's inside, because I've got shields up to the max, and it's still happening.

Somebody's inside me. Somebody who isn't me, and they're kicking. Somebody very angry indeed. I don't do angry - not like this, anyway. Mildly peeved, yes; ticked off, yes; irked, yes. Not howling white hot foaming "I want to tear someone's arm off and beat them to death with the bloody stump" angry. Particularly when that alternates with "Move over, because I can hurt people a lot better than that noisy idiot, if you'll let me."

I'm ticking off potential causes, just to try to keep a handle on it. The drugs? no more than usual. Someone been bad to me? nope. Someone hurt someone I care about? yes, but that's happened before, and it hasn't triggered this. Going nuts/another brainbleed? That's the only strong possibility I've got left. But no headache, no vision loss, no nothing like what happened in May, and that time I was just ill, not crazy.

And there's that Pink Floyd line running on a loop, all the time: There's someone in my head, but it's not me.

I don't like this. This is time to finish off the emergency stash of temazepam, and crawl into the blackness and hide. I'm just hoping that whoever wakes up out of this is still someone I'll recognise.

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