Muddle-headed Kay (mhw) wrote,
Muddle-headed Kay

This journal has been placed in memorial status. New entries cannot be posted to it.

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Thank you for all the sweet messages, love and get-well vibes! I'll answer them when I'm comfortable enough to sit for more than five minutes at a time... *sigh*

The back is definitely recovering slowly, more slowly than I'd hoped. As I said to drivenapart this afternoon, it's a good thing that I wasn't going to Whitby, because I wouldn't have been going to Whitby...

Shrink appt this morning with the new rotatee. I had to admit that I was less well than I'd been at my previous appointment three months ago - I estimated myself around 5 on the mood scale, whereas I'd been around eight then - and, while still not suicidal, definitely having thought a handful of times how nice it might be just not to have to exist.

It being the first time we'd met, he and I had a talk about my back problems as a possible influence on my depression; he was worried to find out that even though I was supposed to have been referred to a counsellor three months ago, and that according to his notes the counsellor should have been in touch with my GP, I'd still heard nothing. He was even more worried to discover that I'd been waiting for over a year for my next operation. Phrases like "really not at all acceptable," "hardly surprising that your mood is bad," and "I shall be writing to express my disquiet" were uttered.

This left me feeling a little bad, as though - I know it's foolish - I were using my depression to obtain some kind of unfair advantage and prioritisation for my back treatment. drivenapart put me right on that after I'd wibbled a bit at him - where would I be without my true good friends? I hope I'll never have to find out.

The shrink also prescribed some zopiclone (3.75mg at night) to try to help me sleep more deeply. This will be very nice, if it works. *crosses fingers*

Given that there's no direct bus route from the hospital home, I did a library visit and a little shopping; I had to go by that route to catch the bus home, so I took it very slowly and relied on my stick a lot. Calling in to the Oxfam shop, who should I bump into - not literally, though - but the lovely drivenapart? The Yakster and I did our usual rapid descent into adolescent smuttiness while I bought a book (the first set of South Park scripts) and a nostalgic bit of software (SpiderSoft's Pinball Construction Kit - £1.99 and maybe a nice toy for one of the kidlets), and then he was kind enough to give me a lift home.

Since then I've been lying down, resting up, generally being sensible to make up for this morning and early afternoon. A really good talk with my lovely Matt this evening to discuss his upcoming treatment and other stuff and generally hang out (virtually) together. And now, before my back spazzes up again, I'm going to lie down once again.

Don't you ever have days where you just want to put your face on the keyboard and roll it around so that it types b 77mnk8gvbf4e89 mj8tyr5 u8era4 huyi9ier? I know I do...

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