Muddle-headed Kay (mhw) wrote,
Muddle-headed Kay
mhw

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A Very Sensible meme, for once.

Care and Feeding of Kay

How can I tell if you are angry?
It's very hard to get me angry. I tend more to get angry at universals, abstractions and institutions than at individuals. If I'm merely irked, I go quiet and don't bother to participate further. If I'm provoked, I absent myself from the source of provocation. So what most often angers me is persistence. Following me after I've left, either mentally or, especially, physically, may well anger me. You will then face vehemence: I will make it abundantly clear to you that I wish to be away from you. I will increase my attempts to leave. Detaining, or, worse, restraining me at that point is most counterproductive. I will not guarantee your emotional or physical wellbeing if you continue to provoke.

How should I behave around you if you are angry?
If you perceive my anger to be caused by someone's idiocy, attempting to sideline the idiocy is always appreciated. Otherwise, please facilitate my escape from the situation. Do not follow, unless you know that you are extremely trusted by me. If you do follow, don't touch without asking: I will probably construe that as assault. I may well not want to discuss the idiot or the idiocy; on the other hand, I may. Take your cues from me. A cup of tea (milk and one sugar unless advised otherwise) will be most welcome, and probably a cigarette or two should the environment permit.

How do you want me to behave when you are hurting emotionally? How is it best to comfort you?
Let me talk. Better, talk with me about the matter; I process problems verbally. If you see me cry, it's not necessarily an indication that I'm hurt; I sometimes cry anyway. After I'm done with the talking I will probably appreciate hugs, but please please ask before touching me; sometimes touch is the last thing that I could bear.

Are there things we should not discuss?
Broadly, no. However, please do not attempt to pry Other People's Secrets from me. If I say that I don't want to talk about something, this probably means that I haven't finished internal processing yet, and would appreciate more time to do so in. If I say that I can't talk about something, this almost certainly means that to do so would infringe someone else's privacy.

How should I treat you if you are physically ill?
Check that I have taken my necessary medication. If I haven't, please attempt to rectify the matter! I generally carry my meds with me if I'll be relatively far from home.

If I seem to be in pain, I probably am. I should have medication with me to deal with that. Check that I have my meds, check that I take them, and then please leave me to deal with the pain. I will probably need a flat, relatively hard, surface to lie on. If I say that I may have to take 'quite a lot' of medication, please note that this probably means quite a lot of morphine; a check that I'm still breathing normally every half-hour or so is sensible. If I'm not, get me up, keep me walking, give me black coffee, and get medical assistance promptly, telling them that I've probably accidentally overdosed on opiates and that I'm wearing a Fentanyl patch. They know what to do. Show them any of my meds that you know the location of, too.

If I can't say anything beyond "Help!", I almost certainly need prompt medical attention.

What makes you happy, that's in my power to grant as a friend?
Be my friend. That's really all that I need to be happy.

How would you like us to recognize your birthday?
I'm no longer very young, so birthdays are hardly a surprise any longer :) Wish me a happy birthday if you are minded to. I don't expect gifts.

Are there any standing categories of presents that would be appropriate or unwelcome?
If you're asking, you probably know me well enough to know the answer. Books are good; if you don't know what kinds of book I like, give me book tokens.

Are there times of the year that are difficult for you?
I seem to be at my best in the autumn. I don't like great heat or humidity; on the other hand, I'm not fond of blistering cold either. However, it's easier to get warm when cold than it is to get cold when warm. I'm allergic to horse-chestnut pollen.

Who are the most important people in your life to whom we should defer when making plans on your behalf?
stgpcm, of course. Not only do we live together, he provides the bulk of my transportation, so my travel will probably be a lot easier (and I shall arrive in better shape) if he can bring me in the car. But really, it's just easier to ask about any particular occasion.
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  • Kay Dekker, 1959-2011

    I hope you've already heard this sad news, however I post here to reach those who have not heard. Kay Dekker died on the 7th July 2011, and was…

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