However, I have had today to face up to a fairly big problem that I've been assiduously neglecting. Unfortunately it's not one I can handle on my own, and, in fact, I suspect it's going to need some serious professional help. I am setting that getting-of-help in train, which first step is actually the biggest one I think I shall have to overcome.
I may be discussing it at some point here or in person with some of you, but that will be when I'm ready to do that; it certainly isn't that time now. Please, can you respect that and not try subtle finding-out? I am substantially as normal, but I do expect that I shall now have explicit periods of not coping, as opposed to the deceitful "I'm just fine" that I'm sorry I've been pulling on you all for a while. That lie was not to hurt you, but to defend myself from having to acknowledge my problem, but I do acknowledge that I have lied about how I'm doing, either implicitly or, I'm afraid, sometimes explicitly.
Yet again I've found out that I can only deal with something by making it verbally explicit. Until I can - or am forced to - talk about something, I pretty much can't deal with it. I have now done (some of the first bits of) the talking, so the issue is that much more explicit and that much closer to being handled better.
You are, as always, my good and valued friends. That will not change.